yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
