thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
