i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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