YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
