i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
