I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
