I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
