Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
