its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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