a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
