I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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