dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
