Everything about him screamed your future.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
