i already hear my dad disowning me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
