He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
don't judge my taste in strippers
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
