i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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