I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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