We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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