Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
