i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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