Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
