Where did you get a picture of my penis
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
