i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
