Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
