i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
