In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
