she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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