can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
