You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You smell like stripper and shame
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
