She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
