oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize