My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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