If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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