I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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