I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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