so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
