Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Everything about him screamed your future.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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