It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
