I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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