guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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