I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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