dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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