I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
