So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
