Already got asked if we're dating
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
