Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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