my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
