I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
