you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Everclear isn't food dammit
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
