We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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