it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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