Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
