Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
