how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
