So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Drunk walkin through police station. America
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
