I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
