So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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