the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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