thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
