I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
