I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
