well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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