Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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