Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im six kinds of drunk right now
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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