The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
