Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He better not be in your backpack
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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