mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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