watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
