I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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