ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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