sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
