turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
