He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize