I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
