my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
