Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
